“Why Women Get Turned Off
Here are the reasons for a woman turning away from a man’s advances. Love for her husband. Concern for her children. Onset of age. Desolation due to some grief or sorrow. Absence of opportunity. Anger: ‘His proposition is an insult.’ Indecision: ‘He is unfathomable.’ The belief that ‘This has no future. He will go away as he is infatuated with someone else.’ Alarm: ‘His intentions are too blatant.’ The thought that ‘He cares more for his friends and will tell them all.’ Suspicion: ‘He is not serious.’ Diffidence: ‘He is too grand.’ The doe woman’s apprehension: ‘He may be too strong and his sexual impulse too fierce.’ Shyness: ‘He is so urbane and expert in all the arts.’ The thought that ‘He always treated me like a comrade.’ Revulsion: ‘He has no thought of the proper time and place.’ Lack of respect: ‘He is disgraceful.’ Contempt: ‘He does not realize it even when I signal him.’ The elephant woman’s concern: ‘He is a hare type and his sexual impulse may be dull.’ Sympathy: ‘He is out of his mind and may get into trouble.’ Disgust at noticing her own bodily defects. Fear: ‘I will be thrown out if my family gets to know.’ Scorn: ‘He is old, gone grey.’ Doubt: ‘He has been put up by my husband to test me.’ And finally, her concern for virtuous conduct.”—From Vatsyayana’s Kama Sutra, Book Five on The Wives of Others, translated by A.N.D. Haksar
If I may add to a classic, a few of my own:
-An ill-timed plea to upgrade to Spotify premium.
-Guilt: ‘But you’re the vicar.’
-Astrology: ‘Jupiter is in retrograde, therefore consummating this tryst might be at the expense of the possibility of asserting myself at work.’
-Prematurity: ‘My herbal contraceptive hasn’t yet steeped adequately.’
Happy End – Natsu nandesu
Every year, I give thanks.
In poems
an economy
of language
to aspire
to wit:
the soul of
I got to my desk this morning and to the left, by my phone, I found a clear plastic bag with these brownish clusters inside. I examined it, thinking maybe it was some potpourri that someone left behind, even gifted. Then I logged onto my computer. Then I looked back at the bag, wondering if the contents were edible. No, they look mysterious. Just look away and ignore until someone claims it. I opened my Outlook to check my email from the previous night. Hm, I thought, I should smell it first. That will determine if it is edible or if it is potpourri. Or if it’s trash. Then I opened the bag and stuck my nose in. Then I just took a handful and put it in my mouth. Mind you that I SMELLED AND ATE THE CONTENTS SIMULTANEOUSLY, meaning that I had not yet registered if the contents were potpourri/trash vs. edible at the time that I PUT THEM IN MY MOUTH. As luck would have it, turns out they were chocolate covered cornflakes and then I ate them all. Merry Christmas, everybody.
Is cold, leftover Treatloaf® as good as regular meatloaf the next day?
Not really. A lot of excavation, so to speak, often goes into unearthing the treats from a Treatloaf®, so the leftovers are less appetizing than you might hope. Which isn’t to say you can’t remold this cooked rubble into a smaller loaf, jam a little something special in the middle and start all over again.
(via The Morning News)
